i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
