Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
