I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's the barista slut.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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