Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
