do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize