WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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