You really coming over, don't trick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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