So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
