hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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