After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
