You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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