Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
