5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
