Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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