her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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