There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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