census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
