They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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