I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
