I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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