i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found puke in my bra..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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