like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
