I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
