He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
