Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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