I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ladies don't puke and tell
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
