i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
