She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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