when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
