Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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