Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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