pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
