This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
