Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
