Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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