it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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