Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
