I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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