We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
