My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
