So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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