Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
