I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
