Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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