You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize