I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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