I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
