And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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