evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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