this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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