Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
