forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
