I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
