The maid of honor just puked.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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