what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
