I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
