I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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