Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hippo gnu deer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
