Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
