Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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