I love black thongs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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