Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
