I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
