god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
