he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
