i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
