I will die if light touches me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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