he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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