His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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