just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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