Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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