This is not my ceiling
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
