my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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