I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
