I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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