cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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