I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
