Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
