You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm always down for nudity.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
