so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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