living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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