Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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