ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
