That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
