just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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