Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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