Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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